"If you knew me, you would know my Father also" John 8:19

My Senior Pastor asked me to write a little bit about my father for the Father's Day service on Sunday.  If you know me, it's difficult for me to write a little bit.  If you know my father, then you would also know that it is difficult to write just a little bit about him. My father often tells the story of my birth. He was in the Untied States Air Force at the ripe old age of 18.  As a young Black man in the 60's it was difficult of find a job that would support yourself, much less a family.  Faced with little or no options he joined the Service.  As my father tells the story, he stood in a long line at the public telephone booth and called home.  His mother said "it's a girl and her name is Toya" my father yelled down the line, "It's a girl and her name is Toya!" By the time the message reached the end, it was just like the game telephone, he had a Toyota (the car), he had a Toy (he calls me that to this day) and whatever else, they misconstrued the message to be.

My father always calls me his "love child" My mother was sixteen and pregnant, at a time that having a child out of wedlock was a cardinal sin (they were Catholic)...so they married.  Some would call it a "shotgun wedding."  In calling me his love child, my father tried to assure me, that I was not a mistake, and I was always wanted.  He succeeded.  I have always felt, that I had a purpose, and I was here because I was wanted and loved.

My father, was a career military man, and traveled the world.  The strain of being away and other mitigating circumstances (not necessary to mention here) caused my Father and Mother to divorce. But in his absence, I always knew who my father was. I remembered him during the years we were apart, because during the time we were together, he hugged me and kissed me. I remembered him, during the time we were separated, because he always told me, that I was the most precious daughter a man could have. I remembered him when he was not physically present because he called me his gift from God.

Today, not a day goes by, that my father does not tell me how proud he is of the woman I have become, even if he still calls me by my little girl name "Toy and Boo-boop-de-boop (don't ask me how to spell it).  I received many things from my father that money could never buy;  His great sense of humor, empathy for others, the ability to make and keep friends, the willingness to unabashedly show affection, help people and tell them that I love them.

In John 8, Jesus, said that His actions, His words, His behaviors bear record of who He is and who His Father is. So I will end this, with His words...If you knew me, you would know my father, also. Amen.

Black & Blue

I am a Black woman who wore a Blue uniform.
I am Black & Blue.
A product of the Jim Crow era, the Civil Rights movement, segregation, integration, a 60's baby and what my father likes to call me...a love child.
I grew up knowing that my White grandmother and Great-grandmother, just loved their brown baby girl.
Race and color, evident but not spoken.
Who we were, what we were was...love...BUT
The mis-education of this Negro woman forced me to press for, push for, pull for more,
Knowledge after all is power.
Imhotep, Mansa Musa, Nefertari, Ramses, Isis and Osirus filled my mind and my home.
Images of the Queen I was born to be and the King I wanted to be with me.
I am a Black woman who wore a Blue uniform.
I am Black & Blue.
A product of a middle class family with middle class values.
Work hard, get an education, take a city test, get a city job...
stability...security.
So, I...took a city test and got a city job.
I am a Black woman who wore a Blue uniform.
A sea of blue uniforms, made up of mostly White men.
Comrades, colleagues and friends. Unafraid because after all they had my back and I had theirs.
We walked the streets of NYC, we road the frightening, graffiti covered, crime ridden trains of the 80's.
I got my marching orders and I marched.
Arrests, summonses, training studying,
Knowledge after all is power.
Police shields, blue uniforms, handcuffs and awards filled my mind and my home.
Image of me...the cop I was and the Detective I became...and then...
History repeated itself...the 60's, the 70's the 80's all over again.
Riots, discrimination, hate, killing, murder...revolution.
I'm sorry Mr. Gil Scot Heron...THE REVOLUTION WILL BE TELEVISED. Enter me...the mediator.
My Black sisters and brothers will certainly understand what the cops face as they enter our community. Let me explain...and then I am beaten until I am black and blue.
My blue brothers and sisters will understand what the community is feeling. Let me explain...I am beaten until I am black and blue.
I am a Black woman who wore a Blue uniform.
I...am...Black...and...Blue.

To Tithe or Not to Tithe?

I was having a problem getting an answer to my question.  I wanted, no, needed to know, if I'm having a difficult time financially how do I tithe 10 %.  I was told, I can't tell you what to do but, I know that I have to tell you to tithe. I was under a real financial strain and this answer was just not good enough.    

I read different theological commentaries on the subject, and the answers varied. Some say tithe 10% no matter what. Even if your bills are over due, even if you need to put food on the table, even if your electricity is going to get cut off, even if your rent needed to be paid, even if...  The other response was that God does not want you to be in the dark, hungry, cold, or homeless. What kind of loving God would want that? Another response was tithing is Old Testament Law and we are no longer under the law because of Christ Jesus.    

One day while praying the scriptures, I prayed John 16:13 "But when, he the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth" and knew that I will know the answer in my heart when I read it, hear it or see it.  I began by reading scriptures on borrowing and lending.  I am a perpetual giver, this propensity to give has often caused me to find myself in a whole.  I will give out of my savings, my stash, my lack. Sounds very Christian like doesn't it? Well in studying, I found that it is not.  I got it all wrong.  Proverbs 3:28; tells us Do not say to your neighbor, Go and come back tomorrow and I will give it WHEN YOU HAVE IT with you, Proverbs 3:23 tells us; Do not withhold any good from THOSE WHO DESERVE IT and WHEN IT IS IN YOUR POWER to act. Hebrews 13:16 tells you to share what we have, it does not say share what we DON'T have.      

So, in studying and meditating on the word, I have understood in my heart that my issue or misunderstanding is not with tithing but with lending and giving when I really don't have.  My issue is lending and not getting a return.  The scripture tells us to lend, hoping for nothing in return.  It doesn't mean that you should not be paid back, it means that you should not expect rewards or accolades for doing good and if it is not returned then don't hope for it back...in other words, it just became a gift (Luke 6:34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you...) The Old Testament speaks of lending with interest, something we should NEVER do to family, but business is another issue. Business is business and family is family. Deuteronomy 23:19 tells us; You shall not charge interest on loans to your brother, interest on money, interest on food, interest on anything that is lent for interest.  You may charge a foreigner interest...    

What has all this to do with tithing? Well my perceived lack and inability to tithe had me wondering where did my money go? Why am I not able to give to the church and charity like I would like to and in keeping with the scriptures.  Besides the change in economy...why is my financial situation so dire? Is it because I am giving/lending outside of God's teaching.  Am I giving/lending because of other people's inconsideration, emergency, lack of preparation, irresponsibility, greed and unrighteousness. I read a sermon and the Pastor made a valid point.  He said, the word says GIVE, not GIVE UNTIL YOU ARE BLED DRY!  He said, ask yourself, who am I giving to, how am I serving the person, and am I giving because the person refuses to work or wants to satisfy their own indulgences? Am I supporting their behavior by giving what is mine?    

This is what I understood the Spirit of truth saying in my heart.  Jesus came to fulfill the law (Sermon on the Mount), not change it or replace it.  God does not withhold any good thing from me and I should not from Him.  It is OK to give as I have decided in my heart (2 Cor 9:7), to give with the heart of the woman who only had two coins to give.  Give with a Christian heart of love but use wisdom and grace.  The message here is to give, if you cannot give 10%, give what you can before bills or anything else. Decide in your heart a designated amount, then give the rest in time, volunteer at the church or charitable organization, give unwanted clothing, goods etc.  God wants our first fruits.  Our first thoughts in the morning is to be of Him in prayer, our first day of the week in worship, and our first fruits of increase.    

So I have decided with the Lord’s help, that for now I will give a designated amount, off the top, on a consistent basis, and then when my finances improve, in the words of financial consultant, Dave Ramsey, I will give like I never gave before!

I thank God because, this was a burden I was carrying and I needed rest (Matthew 11:28).

JEREMIAH 17:5 This is what the LORD says: "Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the LORD.

     The other day I watched a video about how "the white man" "white society" "white corporations" "white supremacy" and/or "the establishment" succeeded in brain washing, enslaving, and hoodwinking people of color with religion.  They stated that people of color were tamed and subjugated with JESUS.  People of color were taught to not fight back but to "turn the other cheek", they were brought into submission by being "taught the meek shall inherit the earth",  and be satisfied with "it's all gonna get better, by and by".  People of color do not need to be rich, live in better housing, eat better food. They don't need to have better health and not be afraid to die because soon "there will be no more death, no more tears, no more sorrow, no more pain when we ALL get to heaven".  Is there truth in this? YES. The video bothered me for a while.  I began to think, is this true, is Jesus just something "they" made up to keep us in line.
     I became disturbed as I pondered this supposed "truth".  I looked a little closer at people of color and saw the continuous struggle.  I thought about how many people of color buy things, over spend, are more concerned about bling than saving, are more concerned about driving fancy cars that investing, are more concerned with looks, clothes, and jewelry than education.  People of color are not usually taught to open businesses, create good credit scores, pool their resources, and to not drown in debt.  What a sad state of affairs if this video is true.
     While much of the aforementioned is true, I could not bring myself to totally abandon the idea of Jesus. No JESUS?  The more I thought about Jesus just being something to contain us, the longer I pondered on this whole idea of Jesus as a farce, the more I considered the idea that Jesus was just a ploy, the more I contemplated that perhaps I too had been hood winked, the lonelier, the sadder, and the emptier I felt. Is this what they call at the cross roads? It was time to decide, but how? I did the only thing I knew how to do. PRAY. STUDY. PRAY. WAIT.  I had to pick up the bible and hold it in my hands as I read and studied the Word.  I had to rely on God to lead me to the passages that held the answer.  I had to shut my mind and open my heart.  I had to wait for the revelation of the Holy Spirit.  I waited for that feeling of love, warmth, and peace that only He could bring.  Then it came to me...
     It came to me in the form of Psalm 81 'Ye are Gods, we are children of God." (Psalm 82;;6)  Could I deny myself? Do I not exist? I am a god, meaning an offspring of God, He breathed life into me, He created me, I am just as much a part of Him as He is a part of me. Just like our birth father's DNA is in us, God's DNA is in us.  If there is no Father, Son and Holy Spirit then there is no ME. I had to cease to try to understand on my own accord and start to understand that GOD  is beyond the understanding of my finite mind.  I HAD to trust the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).  I now knew that I could not be wise in my own eyes (Proverbs 3:7) and I would once again feel that peace that supasses all understanding (Phil 4:7).
     God spoke to me in a way that I COULD comprehend.  He showed me the great Christian leaders.  He showed me that they were not weak or pacifists.  They bucked the system, fought for change, and human rights.  Bishop Desmond Tutu, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Richard Allen (founder of AME Church), Toussain L'Overture (lead Haitian slave revolt), Frederick Douglass, Thurgood Marshall and the one who's hair was like wool...Jesus Christ.  Jesus who walked among the people, made the blind see, the lame walk, fed the hungry, calmed the sea, cast out demons, walked on water, loved the unloveable.  The one who LIVED AND DIED AND WAS RESURRECTED SO THAT WE COULD BE FORGIVEN FOR OUR SINS (1Cor 15:3-8).
     It came down to this.  It's a choice.  A choice to believe with my heart and not my head.  A choice to  trust and believe that Jesus is Lord and He died so that we may be saved (Romans 10:9-10).  If I don't trust Him, then who am I going to trust? The establishment?
JEREMIAH 17:5 This is what the LORD says: "Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the LORD.       

Have you ever thought that just perhaps, God has forgotten you?

Have you ever thought that just perhaps, God has forgotten you?  You try (I say try because none of us are perfect) to live a righteous life.  You try to have morals and fight on the side of justice.  You try to live in a way that you think is pleasing to the Lord. But then it sometimes seems as if God does not hear you.  You go to church.  You pray and expect results.  You meditate on God's word and expect an answer.  You study His teachings and expect to "hear a word from the Lord." Yet, nothing happens, sometimes things even get worse.

You try to stay the course but you feel your resolution wavering.  You tell yourself "keep the faith", "the race is not for the swift", "fight the good fight" or like in that old Negro spiritual you sing, "I know I'll understand it by and by." And as much as you fight the feelings of doubt you sometimes feel it creeping into your mind.  You say to yourself and sometimes out loud, but Jesus said... all I need is a mustard seed of faith and I can move mountains.  So, why isn't my mountain moving? But the Bible says...knock and the door will be opened.  So, why is the door closed, locked and bolted shut?  But the Lord said ask I shall receive.  So, I'm asking and asking and all I hear is silence.  I'm doing all these things, and nothing is happening.  Has God forgotten me?

Well, the answer lies not in what we are doing, or what we think we're doing to please Him.   I was in that situation and that was when God showed me Psalm 77. Like the psalmist my spirit began to faint, I was too troubled to speak, my spirit groaned and cried out in distress.  Like the psalmist who laments in verse one;

I cried out to God for help;

I cried out to God to hear me.

When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;

at night I stretched out untiring hands,

and I would not be comforted.

The psalmist complains for several verses.  However, if we continue reading we find the sorrow in his spirit starting to turn around.  He begins to remember all that God has done for him in the past.  He begins to remember all the times he was saved, bailed out, relieved and comforted.  As he searches for the unfailing love, favor and compassion he was once given, it forced him to remember exactly that...IT WAS ONCE GIVEN. He did it before, He can do it again.  As the psalmist cries out for Merciful God, his song changes and he sings;

"Then I thought, To this I will appeal:

the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.

I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

I will consider all your works

and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”

The psalmist cries and complaints turned to remembrance and finally in the last verses they turn to praise.

Your ways, God, are holy.

What god is as great as our God?

You are the God who performs miracles;

You display your power among the peoples.

With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,

the descendants of Jacob and Joseph...

He ended the song with recounting God's parting of the sea and leading the people by His mighty Hand to safety, and the fulfillment of His promise. Has God forgotten us? No but, like the psalmist we groan and complain and question, where is God?  But instead we must encourage ourselves, not to give up hope.  We should ask God to forgive us for not trusting Him enough.  We must turn our cries and doubts to praise and thanksgiving for all the times that God has seen us through. He, after all is our Grace for today and our Hope for tomorrow.  God has not forgotten us. He knows us by name, the Father knows what we need before we ask Him and, most importantly of all we know that the Bible teaches us that “God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?"  In knowing this we also know that, No! God has not forgotten us.

Poor Not Lazy Proverbs 21:13

Today on face book someone posted Proverbs 21:13 " Whoever shuts their ears to the cry of the poor, will also cry out and not be answered." As I read his post about helping people out and he is inclined to help those in need.  He also stated that he verifies the need. I read this and my mind went to people that I have helped and continue to help to this day.

  

I am often taken advantage of because I do not "nag", I do not demand, and I continue to treat the person(s) as I always have.  I often tell myself "THAT'S IT, NO MORE LENDING! whenever I am having a particular financial hardship, or I feel as if the person(s) is taking my kindness for weakness (I remember my step father once describing me as a cornered rat, I'll scurry away until you trap me in the corner, then I will bare my teeth and fight to the death).  Recently, one such person(s) who owes me a good deal of money, called me and asked me to pay a bill that is in his name but I used the service.  Now me, I would have said, since I owe you, I'll just pay the bill (which is much less than he owes).  But not him, he called me several times a day until he reached me.  What makes a person do that? What makes a person think that what they owe is moot?  Well, I was angry and out of character (but no where near how some would have behaved), I simply said when I get, I'll pay it and hung up.  

But back to the Proverb.  I have no problem giving to the POOR.  I give to Children's Hunger, Autism, Muscular Dystrophy, every catastrophe we Americans have suffered lately (Sandy, Boston etc.), the man/woman in the street, among others. I can truthfully say that I give  to the poor with clean hands and a clean heart. I have a few friends, that I can see myself in (I guess that's why we're friends) who give over and over to the same people all the time.  They are never repaid, and appreciated only WHILE they are doing the giving.  These people my friends give to are not POOR.  They are LAZY. They do not work, have no motivation to work,  further their education, have no life plan, and just mooch off of people.  I would venture to say, that these are NOT the people this proverb is referring to. Helping this sort of person is like using a teaspoon to dig yourself out of a ditch.  

I can see myself clearly in them, I give advice (that I dont follow) because we are cut from the same cloth.  We try to be hard hearted, but it is not in our nature.  The apostle Paul writes in Roman 12 "We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your^[a] faith; ⁷ if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; ⁸ if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,^[b] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully." So during these times when I fall into a state of regret and make false promises to myself of "never again", (I do this when I am need and cannot see how I will get out of my predicament). I will remember this proverb, because I know that I DID NOT and CANNOT shut my ears to the poor, therefore I CAN cry out and I WILL be answered.

HAVING TO CHOOSE

Sometimes we have to make a choice.  We have to choose what is good, what is right, what is perfect.  The only perfect person is the Lord.  This is why, when the Holy Spirit gnaws at us, we have to choose.  He will not let us rest, He will not let us have peace.  We can no longer live the way we once did, or the way the world says is OK.  We can no longer live in the flesh and WE MUST live righteously.  We MUST walk with integrity.   Actually, at this point it no longer becomes a choice, it becomes a necessity.

Those who do not walk in the light are not able to understand this necessity, this lack of choice.  When you reach this crossroad, this is where the Ruths and Naomis are separated.  Ruth was willing to go where her mother-in-law, Naomi went.  She was willing to accept Naomi's God as her own.  She even went so far as to say please stop asking me to leave you, because she was not going.   

If we are unwilling to walk with our friend, no matter where the Lord takes him or her, then that is where our roads part.  The parting does not have to be in animosity, it does not have to even be any conflict.  It is a reality.  Two people cannot walk on different roads and still hold hands. We have to be willing to follow where the Lord is leading us, even if it means losing that friend.  We must also be willing to give our friends also the freedom to choose, to walk with us or to go their own way. 

The apostle Paul understood this the most when he wrote in Romans 7:15 "For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do".  In other words, as a Christian we do the things we know as Christians to be sinful because of the flesh, even as we try fight not to do them.

We may lose some friends along the way, we may gain some friends along the way. But wherever this choice or lack thereof choice leads us, in order to find peace, we MUST follow it.