William Shakespeare said it best, "Neither a borrower nor lender be; for a loan oft loses both itself and a friend, and borrowing dulleth the edge of husbandry." What did he say? Well what Mr. Shakespeare said was, do not borrow from anyone and do not lend anyone anything. When we lend something to someone we jeopardize our friendships. Not only do we lose the thing we lent to the person but we risk losing the relationship we had with the person. Oh, Mr. Shakespeare was a smart man, but what a lot of people may not know is; that principle actually originates from the Bible. Proverbs 22:7 reads "The rich rule over the poor and the borrower is servant to the lender."
I have found myself in a similar situation. I borrowed from someone and my relationship with that person changed dramatically. My inability to pay her back weighed heavily on my mind and heart. I tried to make it up in other ways by doing errands for her, buying things she needed without being reimbursed, driving her places etc. Even though I would have done those things anyway, because that is just who I am, the whole relationship turned into a question. Are you doing these things because you still owe me, or are you doing these things because you care? All in all, the "favors" I did may have added up to, or were even more than what was lent out, but because she did not receive what she lent out in the same manner that she gave it to me, it always felt like a debt, never repaid.
I have also been on the other end as the lender. When money is lent out in a lump sum and not repaid the same way, that too feels like a never ending debt. My relationship with a member of my family changed dramatically over this. And let me tell you, it was not the money. What happens in these type of situations is that you (the lender) begin to watch how the other person lives. They travel, buy expensive clothing and jewelry, new cars, how (his wife's)hair and nails always seem to be done, how they splurge, and you even watch what happens during tax season because you expect to be paid and so on. You see, there was always this underlying issue. I did not constantly mention it to him, but the 500 lb gorilla was always in the room. We could not have a simple disagreement without the person saying "it's because I owe you money, right?" Wrong. A disagreement is a disagreement but in his mind the guilt of not repaying me, lingered.
So over the years, I continued this unsound practice of borrowing and lending (mostly being the lender) and watched how this practice deteriorates relationships. But my biggest issue with the practice is not the actual act of lending. It is the change in the other persons attitude. I used to wonder why I kept repeating the same mistakes over and over until I read that you will continue to make the same mistakes because you have not truly learned the lesson. You will stop making the same mistake when you have fully learned the lesson. Well, I am happy to say, I have learned my lesson. Let me tell you how. I had two friends who in the same week (on separate occasions)cried "EMERGENCY" to me. I had set aside some money in foresight of an upcoming emergency of my own. You see my cousin had allowed his gas bill to exceed $1000. Why is his gas bill my problem you ask? His gas bill is connected to the boiler that heats the water in the entire house. So, although he was the only occupant in the entire house at the time, since I now live there, if he has no heat, WE have no heat. Key span was coming to take out the meter. I explained this dilemma to these two friends (separately). Both assured me, (separately) that I would have the money back that Friday. Well, this was OK because I had some time to pay the bill. Well Friday came and went. The weeks passed and still nothing from these two. One never answered my call and one assured me the money was coming. Still nothing. These two had no concern what-so-ever for me. They probably were so sure that I would work it out, that it never entered their heads that maybe I was without hot water. I'm not, but I could be. My heart is broken over their lack of concern and consideration FOR ME, but this is what it took for me to learn my lesson, and I welcome it.
I have always been self-sufficient (with the Lord's help), I have always held a job and I paid my way through college. I have always had a generous spirit and never minded sharing anything. If you were my friend, family, or spouse, or even co-worker, if I had, you had. But what cuts me to the core is that people feel that you have so it's OK not to pay you back. They fail to realize that I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. That I worked from a very early age, and I continue to work, when I could have been retired. I work in large part because of that foolish generosity, so I cannot afford to retire. Yes, I am too young to fully retire, but I could be working for the love of it, not the necessity of it. Oh yes, I love to travel and buy fine things and that in itself would likely keep me working. But when I look back at the times when my heart strings were pulled and I succumbed to the wants (not necessarily needs)of others, when I look back at the times when I needed and I had no one to turn to (a person gets tired of asking Mom, Grandma and the same friend), when I look back at the times when I helped others at my own detriment, it is disheartening. In this life, we all might be happy if "Do unto others" is practiced more often.
Psalm 37:21 tells us "the wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously". So, don't get me wrong, it is true, that I will no longer LEND but I will still GIVE, I will continue to share, and I will continue to help others. After all, it is my nature, and as the Apostle Paul says it is my gift (Romans 12:6).
