You ever feel all used up, at the end of your rope. Well I feel that way right now. I am surrounded by people that no matter what I do, or how I try to help, they always want or need more. My aunt tells me I need to learn the shortest complete sentence in the world. "No". I actually thought I had it mastered but alas, no, I haven't. When it comes to myself, I am the master of deny. I love to tell myself what I don't need to buy, eat, drink, wear, or do.
However, when it comes to others, I am the master of "lets do this, lets make it happen". I really don't mind the cost of things, but it all becomes too costly after awhile. It costs me energy, it cost me peace, it costs me grace. You may ask how could it cost me these things. Well, it costs me energy because even when I don't really feel like doing something for someone else, I do it. But in the end it feels like I've drained every part of me. It costs me peace, because now I'm in the position that I'm doing something that I really did not want to do, however, because I am a woman of my word, I do it, but there is no enjoyment in it. Lastly, it costs me grace, because, I'm doing the thing with animosity, worry, discontentment and most of all without love.
Someone once said, I do things for people because I like the control. That is the farthest from the truth. I do things for people because A)that's the type of person I am, B) because if you are a part of my life I want you to be as happy as I am and C) the Lord has blessed me and I want to bless others. The problem is this. Reciprocity. Just once in a while, I'd like to ask something of someone and actually receive it. I want it given in love and not payback. I want it given because they want me to have it. I want it given because it is the right thing to do.
So, what is the lesson here? If it feels like a burden it is. Don't do more than you can, don't do more than you're able, and don't do it, if it is not being done with love. Otherwise, it becomes to much for you, and I know that the Lord does not give me more than I can bear.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:2
