The other night I watched a film about the Pilgrims and the treacherous voyage they took to arrive in what they thought of as the new world. Of course, we all know that nothing can be new or discovered if it is already inhabited, but it was new…to them. Due to the inclement weather during the voyage, they were forced to throw most of their most precious belongings overboard. What once seemed very important and simply impossible to leave behind became expendable. Their very lives were at stake and if they had not lighten the load of that ship, they all would have perished. So the hard choices became not so hard and they threw those things overboard without a second thought. They encountered illnesses they never had before and were unable to treat and they watched the weakest of them starve to death. They mentioned the sacrifices mothers made to go without eating just so that their children would have just enough to survive, they showed the Captain’s burden as he decided who ate and who did not, in essence who lived and who died. The funny thing about the movie was they managed to incorporate a love story in between it all. As a side note, where would we be without love?
This movie sparked my interest and prompted me find out what part the Pilgrims faith played in all of this. Well to be certain, without even looking anything up I was sure when they reached land they dropped down on their knees and thanked, God just for the fact that they were able to feel land under their feet. I am sure they did not care if it was the new world or an old one; they wanted to get off that ship. I myself, have been on a couple of cruises where I felt the same way.
History tells us, that in August 1620, the Pilgrims sailed from England and were headed to Virginia. They began with 102 passengers and disembarked with significantly less. Because of the weather the ended up in Cape Cod, Mass. However, before disembarking that November, they made a pact called the Mayflower Compact. In this pact the first thing they mentioned was that the people were free to worship God, advance the Christian faith, and basically live as a civilized, law abiding, just society. The first winter was rough and by the spring, many of the settlers had died. They had less than half of the people they started with. However, the spring came. They were able to build, plant, and meet, trade and learn from their new neighbors (the Indians). After the harvest time, their Governor proclaimed a day of Thanksgiving.
“Being thus arrived in a good harbor, and brought safe to land, they fell upon their knees and blessed the God of Heaven who had brought them over the vast and furious ocean, and delivered them from all the perils and miseries thereof, again to set their feet on the firm and stable earth, their proper element.”
In reminiscing upon the colony’s success, Bradford continued, “Thus out of small beginnings greater things have been produced by His hand that made all things of nothing, and gives being to all things that are; and, as one small candle may light a thousand, so the light here kindled hath shone unto many, yea in some sort to our whole nation; let the glorious name of [God] have all the praise” (ibid.).
The Gov. was right in doing this. God commands us to give Him thanks. Passages can be found in the Psalms, Philippians, Ephesians, Thessalonians, and chronicles to name a few. “Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Eph. 5:20).
Well, I hope that this past Thanksgiving you gathered with your family, friends, and in addition to your thanksgiving feast, you remembered the origin of Thanksgiving. The Pilgrims wanted to give God credit, for bringing them through it all. The soul purpose of the day was to thank and acknowledge God for His blessings, His steadfastness, His miracles, His grace and His mercy.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Deja Vu
What do you do when you feel like you have been in a particular situation before? Not a good one but a negative one. Somehow, the vibe is not right but it is familiar. It reminds you of that time when you lost your keys, and you had an important appointment, or it reminds you of the time you lost your money and you had to pay rent, or it reminds you of the time your child was sick and you felt helpless, or it reminds you of the time you caught your significant other cheating on you. Do you get anxious, do you get angry, do you lose your temper, do you curse, do you accuse, and do you fret? Or do you remember that in the end it worked out? You may have recovered what you lost after some cool headed thinking. You sat by the side of your child’s bed and nursed him/her back to health and today he/she is running, vibrant, and getting on your nerves. You might have accused your significant other wrongly and had to eat crow or maybe you were right and then you went through the fire and today you are in a loving, faithful relationship.
It is all about how you handle a situation. If you exert negative energy most likely, that is what will return to you. If you handle the situation with a cool head and a well thought out plan, most likely the answer will be right in front of you. If you lift your heart to God, he will see you through. Remember the last time? Remember what happened, what was your course of action and what were the results or consequences. Human nature will often kick in and we react when we should act. Often times our emotions get the best of us and we cannot see clearly. If we are going through a problem, issue, or concern AGAIN. Most likely it is because the lesson was not learned the first time.
I am sure that when the situation was rough, you turned to the Lord. You cried and prayed, and prayed and cried. You made promises that if only He would see you through, you would change, you would go to church, you would pray more often etc. Let us do it differently this time. Pray now. Go to church now. Tithe now etc….Make Him apart of your every day life. Do not wait until times are rough. God wants us to come to Him with supplication and prayer. The gospel song written by Calvin Bridges reminds us of this:
Makes no difference what the problem,(I can go to God in prayer).
Yes, I have this blessed assurance,(I can go to God in prayer).
He will take my gloom and sorrow,(turn them into light).
He will comfort, strengthen and keep me,(I can go to God in prayer)
Sometimes my burdens get so heavy;(I can go to God in prayer).
I have found one who is so faithful,(I can go to God in prayer).
He will take my gloom and sorrow,(turn them into light).
He will comfort, strengthen, and keep me.
Do not allow your situations to get the best of you. Lastly, in the words of the immortal Yogi Beri do not let it be “déjà vu all over again”.
It is all about how you handle a situation. If you exert negative energy most likely, that is what will return to you. If you handle the situation with a cool head and a well thought out plan, most likely the answer will be right in front of you. If you lift your heart to God, he will see you through. Remember the last time? Remember what happened, what was your course of action and what were the results or consequences. Human nature will often kick in and we react when we should act. Often times our emotions get the best of us and we cannot see clearly. If we are going through a problem, issue, or concern AGAIN. Most likely it is because the lesson was not learned the first time.
I am sure that when the situation was rough, you turned to the Lord. You cried and prayed, and prayed and cried. You made promises that if only He would see you through, you would change, you would go to church, you would pray more often etc. Let us do it differently this time. Pray now. Go to church now. Tithe now etc….Make Him apart of your every day life. Do not wait until times are rough. God wants us to come to Him with supplication and prayer. The gospel song written by Calvin Bridges reminds us of this:
Makes no difference what the problem,(I can go to God in prayer).
Yes, I have this blessed assurance,(I can go to God in prayer).
He will take my gloom and sorrow,(turn them into light).
He will comfort, strengthen and keep me,(I can go to God in prayer)
Sometimes my burdens get so heavy;(I can go to God in prayer).
I have found one who is so faithful,(I can go to God in prayer).
He will take my gloom and sorrow,(turn them into light).
He will comfort, strengthen, and keep me.
Do not allow your situations to get the best of you. Lastly, in the words of the immortal Yogi Beri do not let it be “déjà vu all over again”.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Keeping It Real
Revive me, O Lord, for Your names sake! For Your righteousness’ sake, bring my soul out of trouble. In your mercy cut off my enemies, And destroy all those who afflict my soul; For I am your servant. Psalm 143:11-12
I now know why “gansta rappers” are always talking about keeping it real. They return to their old “hood” and hang with the homeboys and home girls. They do that because they need to keep the fire going. They need to receive some type of feedback and inspiration from those who are still striving for the dream, from those who are still struggling. At one time, they were able to pull inspiration for their words and characters from the hardships they were facing. At one time, they had an unlimited supply of information and ideas because they were out there hustling, hooking, and starving. They knew what it was like to wonder where the next meal was coming from, whether their family would be put out on the street for non-payment of rent or whether tonight was the night they would get caught by “5-O”. They received stimulation of the mind from that environment. They had no other focus but getting out of the “concrete jungle”, they had no other purpose but to write, rap, act, dribble, or pass their way out of the “crab barrel”. Now that they have achieved the goal that they were working towards, they have become complacent. Life is good, things are easier, and people are compliant. They are no longer struggling, striving, or stressing. They are no longer fed the negativity and are moving further and further away from the “hood” and closer and closer into the very environment they used to dream about. They find themselves becoming the very person they used to rap about. They have become part of “the establishment” by virtue of the fact that they can now afford it. They now see the other side of the fence and although the grass is not always greener, they can now pay the water bill in order to water the lawn.
So, what is my point? I often undergo the same struggle. I know, I know, I’m no “gansta rapper”. Nevertheless, I struggle with reading the Bible, and writing about God’s word. Why? Because when I no longer have any pressing issues in my life, when my prayers are answered, when things are status quo, I become complacent. I tell myself, I will read The Word later, which then becomes tomorrow, which then becomes days and weeks. Oh, I will not completely turn away from it, but it becomes a glance and a peruse. My prayers are not as intense and inclusive. Yes, I will still pray for others, but somehow the same intensity is not there. My heart is there and I mean what I say, but the fire…
So when people ask, “Why God let bad things happen?” I am no expert but I can look at my own life and know that it is to bring us closer to Him. We would forget what it was like “in tha hood”, and become complacent. He would become an after thought. Things would be so good that we would no longer come to Him with supplication and prayer. We would forget that He, not we, make it all possible. We would forget to thank Him. It would become thank Him for what…“It’s all good.” We would forget that HE IS GOOD. We would forget that we serve Him and not the other way around. We would forget to worship Him.
So I say, thank God for trials, troubles and tribulations. He is good and worthy to be praised. Work in me, my Lord until I am who you want me to be. Lord continue to give me reason to give thanks and praise. Lord continue to give me the fire, because You are the Living Water. Continue to give me issues so that I…can write…about You.
I now know why “gansta rappers” are always talking about keeping it real. They return to their old “hood” and hang with the homeboys and home girls. They do that because they need to keep the fire going. They need to receive some type of feedback and inspiration from those who are still striving for the dream, from those who are still struggling. At one time, they were able to pull inspiration for their words and characters from the hardships they were facing. At one time, they had an unlimited supply of information and ideas because they were out there hustling, hooking, and starving. They knew what it was like to wonder where the next meal was coming from, whether their family would be put out on the street for non-payment of rent or whether tonight was the night they would get caught by “5-O”. They received stimulation of the mind from that environment. They had no other focus but getting out of the “concrete jungle”, they had no other purpose but to write, rap, act, dribble, or pass their way out of the “crab barrel”. Now that they have achieved the goal that they were working towards, they have become complacent. Life is good, things are easier, and people are compliant. They are no longer struggling, striving, or stressing. They are no longer fed the negativity and are moving further and further away from the “hood” and closer and closer into the very environment they used to dream about. They find themselves becoming the very person they used to rap about. They have become part of “the establishment” by virtue of the fact that they can now afford it. They now see the other side of the fence and although the grass is not always greener, they can now pay the water bill in order to water the lawn.
So, what is my point? I often undergo the same struggle. I know, I know, I’m no “gansta rapper”. Nevertheless, I struggle with reading the Bible, and writing about God’s word. Why? Because when I no longer have any pressing issues in my life, when my prayers are answered, when things are status quo, I become complacent. I tell myself, I will read The Word later, which then becomes tomorrow, which then becomes days and weeks. Oh, I will not completely turn away from it, but it becomes a glance and a peruse. My prayers are not as intense and inclusive. Yes, I will still pray for others, but somehow the same intensity is not there. My heart is there and I mean what I say, but the fire…
So when people ask, “Why God let bad things happen?” I am no expert but I can look at my own life and know that it is to bring us closer to Him. We would forget what it was like “in tha hood”, and become complacent. He would become an after thought. Things would be so good that we would no longer come to Him with supplication and prayer. We would forget that He, not we, make it all possible. We would forget to thank Him. It would become thank Him for what…“It’s all good.” We would forget that HE IS GOOD. We would forget that we serve Him and not the other way around. We would forget to worship Him.
So I say, thank God for trials, troubles and tribulations. He is good and worthy to be praised. Work in me, my Lord until I am who you want me to be. Lord continue to give me reason to give thanks and praise. Lord continue to give me the fire, because You are the Living Water. Continue to give me issues so that I…can write…about You.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Everything Will Be Alright
Matthew 28:18-20
“Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
I do not know about you, but I find great comfort in this verse. I find comfort that Jesus is telling us that he has authority over all. All people, all situations, and all circumstances. There is no greater authority than HIS. When we think about God, we think about heaven. But here, He telling us that he also rules the earth. Right where we are today. In this verse, we are reminded to obey Him and all that he has told us and taught us. By doing this, we are assured that He will always be with us, to the very end. I am comforted and reassured by this.
You see just like you, my life is not a bed of roses. And sometimes it seems like it can be too much to bear. However, God does not give us more than we can bear. People in our lives may not always act, as WE would want them to. They may not always treat us the way WE think they should. And in a case of someone that I know, people even abandon us. At this point in this particular person’s life, you can speak words of comfort to her, you can give her advice, you can even try to console her and you can even try to solve her problems. But there is only two ways out of her situation, the second, is that she needs time to heal, and the first is that she needs to know that Jesus is with her until the end of time. When you learn that Jesus is the comforter, times are still hard BUT, knowing He is there certainly helps.
We sometimes suffer from illnesses, unexpected injuries,and financial burdens. We may be suffering from psychological and or emotional problems and even if these problems may not be yours, if it is the issues of someone you love then it might as well be your very own problem.
Therefore, as Jesus tells us, in Matthew Chapter 28 verses 18-20. Those who believe in the Lord, trust in the Lord, honor the Lord, and have faith in the Lord have to tell others about Him. He commanded us to go and tell folks about Him and all that He has taught us. He commanded us to tell people about the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. He commanded us to teach others to obey Him, so that they too can know that all of their troubles, trials and tribulations are but for a season. If only they would believe in Jesus’ promise, and trust Him like we do and lean on Him like we do. Because we understand what it's like to get knocked down, but we are never out. We have to tell others of our Lord and Savior, so that they will know, as one of the sisters in my church often says, "with God, everything will be alright”.
“Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
I do not know about you, but I find great comfort in this verse. I find comfort that Jesus is telling us that he has authority over all. All people, all situations, and all circumstances. There is no greater authority than HIS. When we think about God, we think about heaven. But here, He telling us that he also rules the earth. Right where we are today. In this verse, we are reminded to obey Him and all that he has told us and taught us. By doing this, we are assured that He will always be with us, to the very end. I am comforted and reassured by this.
You see just like you, my life is not a bed of roses. And sometimes it seems like it can be too much to bear. However, God does not give us more than we can bear. People in our lives may not always act, as WE would want them to. They may not always treat us the way WE think they should. And in a case of someone that I know, people even abandon us. At this point in this particular person’s life, you can speak words of comfort to her, you can give her advice, you can even try to console her and you can even try to solve her problems. But there is only two ways out of her situation, the second, is that she needs time to heal, and the first is that she needs to know that Jesus is with her until the end of time. When you learn that Jesus is the comforter, times are still hard BUT, knowing He is there certainly helps.
We sometimes suffer from illnesses, unexpected injuries,and financial burdens. We may be suffering from psychological and or emotional problems and even if these problems may not be yours, if it is the issues of someone you love then it might as well be your very own problem.
Therefore, as Jesus tells us, in Matthew Chapter 28 verses 18-20. Those who believe in the Lord, trust in the Lord, honor the Lord, and have faith in the Lord have to tell others about Him. He commanded us to go and tell folks about Him and all that He has taught us. He commanded us to tell people about the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. He commanded us to teach others to obey Him, so that they too can know that all of their troubles, trials and tribulations are but for a season. If only they would believe in Jesus’ promise, and trust Him like we do and lean on Him like we do. Because we understand what it's like to get knocked down, but we are never out. We have to tell others of our Lord and Savior, so that they will know, as one of the sisters in my church often says, "with God, everything will be alright”.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Neither a Borrower nor a Lender Be.
William Shakespeare said it best, "Neither a borrower nor lender be; for a loan oft loses both itself and a friend, and borrowing dulleth the edge of husbandry." What did he say? Well what Mr. Shakespeare said was, do not borrow from anyone and do not lend anyone anything. When we lend something to someone we jeopardize our friendships. Not only do we lose the thing we lent to the person but we risk losing the relationship we had with the person. Oh, Mr. Shakespeare was a smart man, but what a lot of people may not know is; that principle actually originates from the Bible. Proverbs 22:7 reads "The rich rule over the poor and the borrower is servant to the lender."
I have found myself in a similar situation. I borrowed from someone and my relationship with that person changed dramatically. My inability to pay her back weighed heavily on my mind and heart. I tried to make it up in other ways by doing errands for her, buying things she needed without being reimbursed, driving her places etc. Even though I would have done those things anyway, because that is just who I am, the whole relationship turned into a question. Are you doing these things because you still owe me, or are you doing these things because you care? All in all, the "favors" I did may have added up to, or were even more than what was lent out, but because she did not receive what she lent out in the same manner that she gave it to me, it always felt like a debt, never repaid.
I have also been on the other end as the lender. When money is lent out in a lump sum and not repaid the same way, that too feels like a never ending debt. My relationship with a member of my family changed dramatically over this. And let me tell you, it was not the money. What happens in these type of situations is that you (the lender) begin to watch how the other person lives. They travel, buy expensive clothing and jewelry, new cars, how (his wife's)hair and nails always seem to be done, how they splurge, and you even watch what happens during tax season because you expect to be paid and so on. You see, there was always this underlying issue. I did not constantly mention it to him, but the 500 lb gorilla was always in the room. We could not have a simple disagreement without the person saying "it's because I owe you money, right?" Wrong. A disagreement is a disagreement but in his mind the guilt of not repaying me, lingered.
So over the years, I continued this unsound practice of borrowing and lending (mostly being the lender) and watched how this practice deteriorates relationships. But my biggest issue with the practice is not the actual act of lending. It is the change in the other persons attitude. I used to wonder why I kept repeating the same mistakes over and over until I read that you will continue to make the same mistakes because you have not truly learned the lesson. You will stop making the same mistake when you have fully learned the lesson. Well, I am happy to say, I have learned my lesson. Let me tell you how. I had two friends who in the same week (on separate occasions)cried "EMERGENCY" to me. I had set aside some money in foresight of an upcoming emergency of my own. You see my cousin had allowed his gas bill to exceed $1000. Why is his gas bill my problem you ask? His gas bill is connected to the boiler that heats the water in the entire house. So, although he was the only occupant in the entire house at the time, since I now live there, if he has no heat, WE have no heat. Key span was coming to take out the meter. I explained this dilemma to these two friends (separately). Both assured me, (separately) that I would have the money back that Friday. Well, this was OK because I had some time to pay the bill. Well Friday came and went. The weeks passed and still nothing from these two. One never answered my call and one assured me the money was coming. Still nothing. These two had no concern what-so-ever for me. They probably were so sure that I would work it out, that it never entered their heads that maybe I was without hot water. I'm not, but I could be. My heart is broken over their lack of concern and consideration FOR ME, but this is what it took for me to learn my lesson, and I welcome it.
I have always been self-sufficient (with the Lord's help), I have always held a job and I paid my way through college. I have always had a generous spirit and never minded sharing anything. If you were my friend, family, or spouse, or even co-worker, if I had, you had. But what cuts me to the core is that people feel that you have so it's OK not to pay you back. They fail to realize that I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. That I worked from a very early age, and I continue to work, when I could have been retired. I work in large part because of that foolish generosity, so I cannot afford to retire. Yes, I am too young to fully retire, but I could be working for the love of it, not the necessity of it. Oh yes, I love to travel and buy fine things and that in itself would likely keep me working. But when I look back at the times when my heart strings were pulled and I succumbed to the wants (not necessarily needs)of others, when I look back at the times when I needed and I had no one to turn to (a person gets tired of asking Mom, Grandma and the same friend), when I look back at the times when I helped others at my own detriment, it is disheartening. In this life, we all might be happy if "Do unto others" is practiced more often.
Psalm 37:21 tells us "the wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously". So, don't get me wrong, it is true, that I will no longer LEND but I will still GIVE, I will continue to share, and I will continue to help others. After all, it is my nature, and as the Apostle Paul says it is my gift (Romans 12:6).
I have found myself in a similar situation. I borrowed from someone and my relationship with that person changed dramatically. My inability to pay her back weighed heavily on my mind and heart. I tried to make it up in other ways by doing errands for her, buying things she needed without being reimbursed, driving her places etc. Even though I would have done those things anyway, because that is just who I am, the whole relationship turned into a question. Are you doing these things because you still owe me, or are you doing these things because you care? All in all, the "favors" I did may have added up to, or were even more than what was lent out, but because she did not receive what she lent out in the same manner that she gave it to me, it always felt like a debt, never repaid.
I have also been on the other end as the lender. When money is lent out in a lump sum and not repaid the same way, that too feels like a never ending debt. My relationship with a member of my family changed dramatically over this. And let me tell you, it was not the money. What happens in these type of situations is that you (the lender) begin to watch how the other person lives. They travel, buy expensive clothing and jewelry, new cars, how (his wife's)hair and nails always seem to be done, how they splurge, and you even watch what happens during tax season because you expect to be paid and so on. You see, there was always this underlying issue. I did not constantly mention it to him, but the 500 lb gorilla was always in the room. We could not have a simple disagreement without the person saying "it's because I owe you money, right?" Wrong. A disagreement is a disagreement but in his mind the guilt of not repaying me, lingered.
So over the years, I continued this unsound practice of borrowing and lending (mostly being the lender) and watched how this practice deteriorates relationships. But my biggest issue with the practice is not the actual act of lending. It is the change in the other persons attitude. I used to wonder why I kept repeating the same mistakes over and over until I read that you will continue to make the same mistakes because you have not truly learned the lesson. You will stop making the same mistake when you have fully learned the lesson. Well, I am happy to say, I have learned my lesson. Let me tell you how. I had two friends who in the same week (on separate occasions)cried "EMERGENCY" to me. I had set aside some money in foresight of an upcoming emergency of my own. You see my cousin had allowed his gas bill to exceed $1000. Why is his gas bill my problem you ask? His gas bill is connected to the boiler that heats the water in the entire house. So, although he was the only occupant in the entire house at the time, since I now live there, if he has no heat, WE have no heat. Key span was coming to take out the meter. I explained this dilemma to these two friends (separately). Both assured me, (separately) that I would have the money back that Friday. Well, this was OK because I had some time to pay the bill. Well Friday came and went. The weeks passed and still nothing from these two. One never answered my call and one assured me the money was coming. Still nothing. These two had no concern what-so-ever for me. They probably were so sure that I would work it out, that it never entered their heads that maybe I was without hot water. I'm not, but I could be. My heart is broken over their lack of concern and consideration FOR ME, but this is what it took for me to learn my lesson, and I welcome it.
I have always been self-sufficient (with the Lord's help), I have always held a job and I paid my way through college. I have always had a generous spirit and never minded sharing anything. If you were my friend, family, or spouse, or even co-worker, if I had, you had. But what cuts me to the core is that people feel that you have so it's OK not to pay you back. They fail to realize that I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. That I worked from a very early age, and I continue to work, when I could have been retired. I work in large part because of that foolish generosity, so I cannot afford to retire. Yes, I am too young to fully retire, but I could be working for the love of it, not the necessity of it. Oh yes, I love to travel and buy fine things and that in itself would likely keep me working. But when I look back at the times when my heart strings were pulled and I succumbed to the wants (not necessarily needs)of others, when I look back at the times when I needed and I had no one to turn to (a person gets tired of asking Mom, Grandma and the same friend), when I look back at the times when I helped others at my own detriment, it is disheartening. In this life, we all might be happy if "Do unto others" is practiced more often.
Psalm 37:21 tells us "the wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously". So, don't get me wrong, it is true, that I will no longer LEND but I will still GIVE, I will continue to share, and I will continue to help others. After all, it is my nature, and as the Apostle Paul says it is my gift (Romans 12:6).
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Charm Is Deceptive and Beauty is Fleeting
“Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a women who fears the Lord is to be praised” Proverbs 31:30
I’ve had some great loves in my time. The man of my 20s and 30s who is now my ex-husband, we had so much in common until he, I or maybe it was we changed. The man of my 30s and 40s, who is now my ex-fiancé, we too had a lot in common until that too changed. When I reached the 50 side of 40, I had an interim love or two but that did not work out because now I have changed.
In my 20s and 30s, I thought I was sexy and beautiful because I was told I was, by my college schoolmates, my co-workers (me being in a mostly male profession) and my husband. During that time in my life, my opinion of myself was based mainly on what others thought of me.
By the next decade when I hit my late 30s and early 40s, my fiancé was my lover, and my friend. I only had I eyes for him and he only had eyes for me (so I thought). We did everything together, danced, traveled, read new books, tried new recipes, and sometimes we did absolutely nothing, as long as we did it together. He would often tell me I was sexy and beautiful and I really couldn’t tell you what anyone else thought about me because I was consumed with him and by him. Again, my opinion of myself was based mainly on what he thought of me.
As I moved into my mid 40s, I became more of my own critic, I was now one who formed and expressed judgment of my own merits, faults, value, and truths. I finally began to not care what others thought about me. I tried to look and be my natural best. However, a new beautiful resonated from my very core. I had found a part of me that was beautiful. It was my inner beauty. It was the real me, the natural God centered, spiritual part of me. My inner light shone so bright that both men and women wanted to know why I glowed and asked was I in love. Yes, I was. I was in love, and I truly felt loved. It was my love of God and His unconditional love of me. That love gave me new confidence, it gave me a pep in my step, and it assured me that no matter where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and how I’ve come through it all, that I now had someone who was not going to change on me, now I had someone who would not leave me, and now I had someone who would in fact judge me, but not degrade me. And you know what? It showed. This 40 something women was again beautiful. Outward beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I am beautiful in His eyes. 1 Peter Chapter 3 verse 5 says, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight” So, I am not being conceited or over confident. Far from it. Physically, I am what some would consider overweight, I don’t have the proverbial “good hair” a term know in African-American circles, and while growing up light skin was in, I was not. Nevertheless, those who loved me saw what some did not. Something we cannot purchase, steal, borrow or barter. And that my friends is inner beauty. At 40 + this beauty radiates from me. I have suitors (I may have found the one my heart loves) but my first love is reserved for God.
As this woman that I am now, I know what I want and what I refuse to settle for. I know that love does not come when I want it. I know that love does not always last. I know that you cannot make someone love you if they do not. Moreover, because I no longer expect these things of others, I am secure in whom I am. I do not depend on someone else’s opinion of me, and frankly, I do not have the tolerance I once had. Yet, I love life and I welcome it with its surprises, hurts, disappointments, joys, and happiness. Do not misunderstand me, God is not through working on me yet. I stumble and fall. However, I do not wallow in it. I lean on Him. I ask for forgiveness, from God and from the person I offended, hurt, harmed or introduced negative energy into their spirit.
As I enter and exit the seasons of life, I am still finding and losing love. But the love of God that I have found could never be lost, and that…is real beauty.
I’ve had some great loves in my time. The man of my 20s and 30s who is now my ex-husband, we had so much in common until he, I or maybe it was we changed. The man of my 30s and 40s, who is now my ex-fiancé, we too had a lot in common until that too changed. When I reached the 50 side of 40, I had an interim love or two but that did not work out because now I have changed.
In my 20s and 30s, I thought I was sexy and beautiful because I was told I was, by my college schoolmates, my co-workers (me being in a mostly male profession) and my husband. During that time in my life, my opinion of myself was based mainly on what others thought of me.
By the next decade when I hit my late 30s and early 40s, my fiancé was my lover, and my friend. I only had I eyes for him and he only had eyes for me (so I thought). We did everything together, danced, traveled, read new books, tried new recipes, and sometimes we did absolutely nothing, as long as we did it together. He would often tell me I was sexy and beautiful and I really couldn’t tell you what anyone else thought about me because I was consumed with him and by him. Again, my opinion of myself was based mainly on what he thought of me.
As I moved into my mid 40s, I became more of my own critic, I was now one who formed and expressed judgment of my own merits, faults, value, and truths. I finally began to not care what others thought about me. I tried to look and be my natural best. However, a new beautiful resonated from my very core. I had found a part of me that was beautiful. It was my inner beauty. It was the real me, the natural God centered, spiritual part of me. My inner light shone so bright that both men and women wanted to know why I glowed and asked was I in love. Yes, I was. I was in love, and I truly felt loved. It was my love of God and His unconditional love of me. That love gave me new confidence, it gave me a pep in my step, and it assured me that no matter where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and how I’ve come through it all, that I now had someone who was not going to change on me, now I had someone who would not leave me, and now I had someone who would in fact judge me, but not degrade me. And you know what? It showed. This 40 something women was again beautiful. Outward beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I am beautiful in His eyes. 1 Peter Chapter 3 verse 5 says, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight” So, I am not being conceited or over confident. Far from it. Physically, I am what some would consider overweight, I don’t have the proverbial “good hair” a term know in African-American circles, and while growing up light skin was in, I was not. Nevertheless, those who loved me saw what some did not. Something we cannot purchase, steal, borrow or barter. And that my friends is inner beauty. At 40 + this beauty radiates from me. I have suitors (I may have found the one my heart loves) but my first love is reserved for God.
As this woman that I am now, I know what I want and what I refuse to settle for. I know that love does not come when I want it. I know that love does not always last. I know that you cannot make someone love you if they do not. Moreover, because I no longer expect these things of others, I am secure in whom I am. I do not depend on someone else’s opinion of me, and frankly, I do not have the tolerance I once had. Yet, I love life and I welcome it with its surprises, hurts, disappointments, joys, and happiness. Do not misunderstand me, God is not through working on me yet. I stumble and fall. However, I do not wallow in it. I lean on Him. I ask for forgiveness, from God and from the person I offended, hurt, harmed or introduced negative energy into their spirit.
As I enter and exit the seasons of life, I am still finding and losing love. But the love of God that I have found could never be lost, and that…is real beauty.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
He sings to you and dances over you as He quiets you with His love. Zephaniah Chapter 3, Verse 17.
I was reading my son’s school magazine, Springbrook, and as I perused through the pages, I glanced at the usual stories, who contributed the most money to the school, who graduated, who reached what milestone and then I turned page and I saw it…I saw love. Love without fear, love without judgment.
The young woman was in a beautiful bridal gown with a smile as wide as the ocean on her face. The young man was in a tuxedo, looking debonair, and holding on to his new wife, his bride, with pride and protection. What was so special about this lovely, newly married couple? Both were mentally challenged adults. Just to deviate for a moment, I need to also tell you that this young man was the breadwinner of this couple. He functioned slightly higher than his wife and chose to take care of her, support her, cherish her and be as the Bible commands, “the head”. Something some men today have yet to learn and practice. But, that’s another story.
Back to my story, here were two people who found unconditional love. Here were two people who had no time to judge, no time to measure, no time to consider did he/she make the made the right choice, or second guess themselves whether or not the other were truly the one. They had found what is written in the Song of Solomon 3:1-2, the one who their heart loves. To others they may look, act or sound different but to each other, they were the most beautiful people God had ever created. God does not make mistakes. Bishop Jakes once wrote, “God can appreciate our differences and still create unity. Together we produce a sound of harmony that expresses the multifaceted character of God.”
As I looked at that photo, I thought. Who am I to judge? Not just them, but anyone. The Lord Jesus told us in Matthew, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For what judgment you judge, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you”. As I pondered about this couple’s relationship, I thought not only about loving another person but, you got to love yourself. When we love ourselves, we will not settle for less than a righteous and fulfilling relationship(by relationship I mean, friends, family, spouses, our employers, co-workers, fellow church members or the heads of our church). When we love without judgment and without conditions, that is real love, Agape love, God’s love. That is when we are reflecting what Christ teaches us. What does He teach us? Well in summary 1)to always live to be pleasing to God.
2)that we must be peace makers to be called children of God.
3)to love our enemies and do good.
4)to pray.
5)to light the way for others.
6)share.
7)not to judge.
8)not to worry.
9)he taught us that God will take care of us.
I think that we could learn a lot from that young couple and just one of the things is that “He who does not love, does not know God, for God is love”. (John 4:7-8)
The young woman was in a beautiful bridal gown with a smile as wide as the ocean on her face. The young man was in a tuxedo, looking debonair, and holding on to his new wife, his bride, with pride and protection. What was so special about this lovely, newly married couple? Both were mentally challenged adults. Just to deviate for a moment, I need to also tell you that this young man was the breadwinner of this couple. He functioned slightly higher than his wife and chose to take care of her, support her, cherish her and be as the Bible commands, “the head”. Something some men today have yet to learn and practice. But, that’s another story.
Back to my story, here were two people who found unconditional love. Here were two people who had no time to judge, no time to measure, no time to consider did he/she make the made the right choice, or second guess themselves whether or not the other were truly the one. They had found what is written in the Song of Solomon 3:1-2, the one who their heart loves. To others they may look, act or sound different but to each other, they were the most beautiful people God had ever created. God does not make mistakes. Bishop Jakes once wrote, “God can appreciate our differences and still create unity. Together we produce a sound of harmony that expresses the multifaceted character of God.”
As I looked at that photo, I thought. Who am I to judge? Not just them, but anyone. The Lord Jesus told us in Matthew, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For what judgment you judge, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you”. As I pondered about this couple’s relationship, I thought not only about loving another person but, you got to love yourself. When we love ourselves, we will not settle for less than a righteous and fulfilling relationship(by relationship I mean, friends, family, spouses, our employers, co-workers, fellow church members or the heads of our church). When we love without judgment and without conditions, that is real love, Agape love, God’s love. That is when we are reflecting what Christ teaches us. What does He teach us? Well in summary 1)to always live to be pleasing to God.
2)that we must be peace makers to be called children of God.
3)to love our enemies and do good.
4)to pray.
5)to light the way for others.
6)share.
7)not to judge.
8)not to worry.
9)he taught us that God will take care of us.
I think that we could learn a lot from that young couple and just one of the things is that “He who does not love, does not know God, for God is love”. (John 4:7-8)
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
What We Want, Only God Can Give Us
DEAR READER,
I was reading The Christian Doctrine by Mark Driscoll and Gerry Breshens. They discussed some of the things we want and require from people in our lives, whether it is a spouse, significant other, child, family member, friend, or co-worker. We want people in our lives that are selfless, trustworthy, faithful, helpful, and I thought truthful. We all seem to want the same thing, everlasting and unending L-O-V-E. We complain because we feel misunderstood. We have an insatiable desire for contact, talking, touching, relating. We want peaceful, harmonious, safe relationships and people who want the best for us. But, I ask, are we always those things or are we sometimes selfish?
According to the author, these wants, needs, desires and longings are for God. But, we do not always look to God to satisfy us. We lust after men or women to fulfill what only God can. We all know what happens when we depend on “man” (as in human), we get disappointed. God told us in the book of Joshua 1:5 “there shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
God always communicates truthfully (meaning we can talk to Him and he talks to us), loves unreservedly (which means He does not hold back), He lives connected to us (even when we do not think so), God serves us humbly (never says I told you so), interacts peaceably with us (He may correct us but He never degrades us) and serves us selflessly (meaning He is always there for us). God is a perfect friend and/or companion. Are we? Nehemiah Chapter 9 v 17 “you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them.”
As I was reading this particular part in the book, my mind started to wander about my own relationships. And it nearly broke my heart and brought me to tears, because I thought, “How unfair of me, to expect so much from another human being.” I thought of the times when I felt betrayed, disappointed and hurt because the person/people did not do what I wanted or expected of them. I thought of the times when I was angry because someone else “did not measure up.” I thought of the times when I felt that someone had let me down. How many times have we said of someone “I don’t ask a lot of you…’, or “All I ask you to do is…” or “You can’t even do this one little thing?” I thought…how dare I expect a mere person to be compassionate, helpful, faithful, slow to anger, dependable, truthful, forgiving and fair AT ALL TIMES. It is not fair for us to expect that of a mere human and it is not fair for someone to expect that of us. ONLY GOD CAN be all things at all times!
Michael Jackson once sang “I’ve been a victim of a selfish kind of love”. Therefore, I looked at the “man” in the mirror and decided to make a change. I looked at myself and said, “You can’t be all those things, all the time, so how can you expect others to be”? So I ask each of you to look at the person in the mirror, and reflect on your past relationships and remember the characteristics of God that I described earlier, selfless, trustworthy, faithful, helpful, truthful, everlasting, and unending love. Forgive that person who hurt you, disappointed you, betrayed you or failed you. We cannot expect people to be God. What we want, only God can give us.
I was reading The Christian Doctrine by Mark Driscoll and Gerry Breshens. They discussed some of the things we want and require from people in our lives, whether it is a spouse, significant other, child, family member, friend, or co-worker. We want people in our lives that are selfless, trustworthy, faithful, helpful, and I thought truthful. We all seem to want the same thing, everlasting and unending L-O-V-E. We complain because we feel misunderstood. We have an insatiable desire for contact, talking, touching, relating. We want peaceful, harmonious, safe relationships and people who want the best for us. But, I ask, are we always those things or are we sometimes selfish?
According to the author, these wants, needs, desires and longings are for God. But, we do not always look to God to satisfy us. We lust after men or women to fulfill what only God can. We all know what happens when we depend on “man” (as in human), we get disappointed. God told us in the book of Joshua 1:5 “there shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
God always communicates truthfully (meaning we can talk to Him and he talks to us), loves unreservedly (which means He does not hold back), He lives connected to us (even when we do not think so), God serves us humbly (never says I told you so), interacts peaceably with us (He may correct us but He never degrades us) and serves us selflessly (meaning He is always there for us). God is a perfect friend and/or companion. Are we? Nehemiah Chapter 9 v 17 “you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them.”
As I was reading this particular part in the book, my mind started to wander about my own relationships. And it nearly broke my heart and brought me to tears, because I thought, “How unfair of me, to expect so much from another human being.” I thought of the times when I felt betrayed, disappointed and hurt because the person/people did not do what I wanted or expected of them. I thought of the times when I was angry because someone else “did not measure up.” I thought of the times when I felt that someone had let me down. How many times have we said of someone “I don’t ask a lot of you…’, or “All I ask you to do is…” or “You can’t even do this one little thing?” I thought…how dare I expect a mere person to be compassionate, helpful, faithful, slow to anger, dependable, truthful, forgiving and fair AT ALL TIMES. It is not fair for us to expect that of a mere human and it is not fair for someone to expect that of us. ONLY GOD CAN be all things at all times!
Michael Jackson once sang “I’ve been a victim of a selfish kind of love”. Therefore, I looked at the “man” in the mirror and decided to make a change. I looked at myself and said, “You can’t be all those things, all the time, so how can you expect others to be”? So I ask each of you to look at the person in the mirror, and reflect on your past relationships and remember the characteristics of God that I described earlier, selfless, trustworthy, faithful, helpful, truthful, everlasting, and unending love. Forgive that person who hurt you, disappointed you, betrayed you or failed you. We cannot expect people to be God. What we want, only God can give us.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Soliloquy
Do you see, as she stands before you
poised to begin her soliloquy?
You look at her as she speaks so eloquently.
You look at her, but do you see,
the Native American, White and African blood that flows through her veins,
and pours out onto the ocean of her beautiful dark skin?
You look at her but do you see the level of her education?
She has not quite yet graduated from the school of hard knocks, but she has absorbed enough of life's lessons into her head,
that it pours out of each follicle, each root, each curl of her dread.
You look at her but do you see?
The paths she has crossed, the routes she has walked, the roads she has run?
A story told only by the sensible shoes she wears, and the loving...yet, no nonsense looks she gives to the children she beared.
Do you see as she stands before you, poised to begin her soliloquy and she speaks so eloquently?
She stands before you, curves of a real woman. No mistaking her ancestry. Cornbread, hog maws and chitterlings. Cornbread, hog maws and chitterlings! Garbage...so they thought.
Do you see, a woman of resilience, like your great, great grandmothers, aunts, and cousins who toiled in the soil, long after the sun went down.
Your female ancestors who after a long day in the fields seasoned that "garbage" til it tasted so good, that the aromas, even now remind us of home.
Do you see as she stands before you, poised to begin her soliloquy, and she speaks so eloquently?
Do...you...see...me?
poised to begin her soliloquy?
You look at her as she speaks so eloquently.
You look at her, but do you see,
the Native American, White and African blood that flows through her veins,
and pours out onto the ocean of her beautiful dark skin?
You look at her but do you see the level of her education?
She has not quite yet graduated from the school of hard knocks, but she has absorbed enough of life's lessons into her head,
that it pours out of each follicle, each root, each curl of her dread.
You look at her but do you see?
The paths she has crossed, the routes she has walked, the roads she has run?
A story told only by the sensible shoes she wears, and the loving...yet, no nonsense looks she gives to the children she beared.
Do you see as she stands before you, poised to begin her soliloquy and she speaks so eloquently?
She stands before you, curves of a real woman. No mistaking her ancestry. Cornbread, hog maws and chitterlings. Cornbread, hog maws and chitterlings! Garbage...so they thought.
Do you see, a woman of resilience, like your great, great grandmothers, aunts, and cousins who toiled in the soil, long after the sun went down.
Your female ancestors who after a long day in the fields seasoned that "garbage" til it tasted so good, that the aromas, even now remind us of home.
Do you see as she stands before you, poised to begin her soliloquy, and she speaks so eloquently?
Do...you...see...me?
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Just Me!
Dear Reader,
I decided to create a weekly blog simply because I have so much to say. I've always enjoyed words. Reading them, writing them and speaking them. Very early on I used to go to the library and take out as many library books as allowed,hence, earning the nickname "Books" from a boy name Troy who lived in my circle (more of what that means later).
Anyway, I've written countless poetry (unpublished), I've written an unpublished children's book called "My Brother is Special"(you'll find out what that means later too), in addition to stories and simple thoughts inspired by God. So instead of bombarding my family,friends and co-workers with my works, I've decided to send them out in cyber-space. Hopefully, by my sharing, I'll inspire, entertain, and possible help those who read my works.
I'd like to thank Louanna for helping me create this page.
Love, Peace and Blessings,
T.T. Lane
I decided to create a weekly blog simply because I have so much to say. I've always enjoyed words. Reading them, writing them and speaking them. Very early on I used to go to the library and take out as many library books as allowed,hence, earning the nickname "Books" from a boy name Troy who lived in my circle (more of what that means later).
Anyway, I've written countless poetry (unpublished), I've written an unpublished children's book called "My Brother is Special"(you'll find out what that means later too), in addition to stories and simple thoughts inspired by God. So instead of bombarding my family,friends and co-workers with my works, I've decided to send them out in cyber-space. Hopefully, by my sharing, I'll inspire, entertain, and possible help those who read my works.
I'd like to thank Louanna for helping me create this page.
Love, Peace and Blessings,
T.T. Lane
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