I am a Black woman who wore a Blue uniform.
I am Black & Blue.
A product of the Jim Crow era, the Civil Rights movement, segregation, integration, a 60's baby and what my father likes to call me...a love child.
I grew up knowing that my White grandmother and Great-grandmother, just loved their brown baby girl.
Race and color, evident but not spoken.
Who we were, what we were was...love...BUT
The mis-education of this Negro woman forced me to press for, push for, pull for more,
Knowledge after all is power.
Imhotep, Mansa Musa, Nefertari, Ramses, Isis and Osirus filled my mind and my home.
Images of the Queen I was born to be and the King I wanted to be with me.
I am a Black woman who wore a Blue uniform.
I am Black & Blue.
A product of a middle class family with middle class values.
Work hard, get an education, take a city test, get a city job...
stability...security.
So, I...took a city test and got a city job.
I am a Black woman who wore a Blue uniform.
A sea of blue uniforms, made up of mostly White men.
Comrades, colleagues and friends. Unafraid because after all they had my back and I had theirs.
We walked the streets of NYC, we road the frightening, graffiti covered, crime ridden trains of the 80's.
I got my marching orders and I marched.
Arrests, summonses, training studying,
Knowledge after all is power.
Police shields, blue uniforms, handcuffs and awards filled my mind and my home.
Image of me...the cop I was and the Detective I became...and then...
History repeated itself...the 60's, the 70's the 80's all over again.
Riots, discrimination, hate, killing, murder...revolution.
I'm sorry Mr. Gil Scot Heron...THE REVOLUTION WILL BE TELEVISED. Enter me...the mediator.
My Black sisters and brothers will certainly understand what the cops face as they enter our community. Let me explain...and then I am beaten until I am black and blue.
My blue brothers and sisters will understand what the community is feeling. Let me explain...I am beaten until I am black and blue.
I am a Black woman who wore a Blue uniform.
I...am...Black...and...Blue.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Saturday, May 10, 2014
To Tithe or Not to Tithe?
I was having a problem getting an answer to my question. I wanted, no, needed to know, if I'm having a difficult time financially how do I tithe 10 %. I was told, I can't tell you what to do but, I know that I have to tell you to tithe. I was under a real financial strain and this answer was just not good enough.
I read different theological commentaries on the subject, and the answers varied. Some say tithe 10% no matter what. Even if your bills are over due, even if you need to put food on the table, even if your electricity is going to get cut off, even if your rent needed to be paid, even if... The other response was that God does not want you to be in the dark, hungry, cold, or homeless. What kind of loving God would want that? Another response was tithing is Old Testament Law and we are no longer under the law because of Christ Jesus.
One day while praying the scriptures, I prayed John 16:13 "But when, he the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth" and knew that I will know the answer in my heart when I read it, hear it or see it. I began by reading scriptures on borrowing and lending. I am a perpetual giver, this propensity to give has often caused me to find myself in a whole. I will give out of my savings, my stash, my lack. Sounds very Christian like doesn't it? Well in studying, I found that it is not. I got it all wrong. Proverbs 3:28; tells us Do not say to your neighbor, Go and come back tomorrow and I will give it WHEN YOU HAVE IT with you, Proverbs 3:23 tells us; Do not withhold any good from THOSE WHO DESERVE IT and WHEN IT IS IN YOUR POWER to act. Hebrews 13:16 tells you to share what we have, it does not say share what we DON'T have.
So, in studying and meditating on the word, I have understood in my heart that my issue or misunderstanding is not with tithing but with lending and giving when I really don't have. My issue is lending and not getting a return. The scripture tells us to lend, hoping for nothing in return. It doesn't mean that you should not be paid back, it means that you should not expect rewards or accolades for doing good and if it is not returned then don't hope for it back...in other words, it just became a gift (Luke 6:34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you...) The Old Testament speaks of lending with interest, something we should NEVER do to family, but business is another issue. Business is business and family is family. Deuteronomy 23:19 tells us; You shall not charge interest on loans to your brother, interest on money, interest on food, interest on anything that is lent for interest. You may charge a foreigner interest...
What has all this to do with tithing? Well my perceived lack and inability to tithe had me wondering where did my money go? Why am I not able to give to the church and charity like I would like to and in keeping with the scriptures. Besides the change in economy...why is my financial situation so dire? Is it because I am giving/lending outside of God's teaching. Am I giving/lending because of other people's inconsideration, emergency, lack of preparation, irresponsibility, greed and unrighteousness. I read a sermon and the Pastor made a valid point. He said, the word says GIVE, not GIVE UNTIL YOU ARE BLED DRY! He said, ask yourself, who am I giving to, how am I serving the person, and am I giving because the person refuses to work or wants to satisfy their own indulgences? Am I supporting their behavior by giving what is mine?
This is what I understood the Spirit of truth saying in my heart. Jesus came to fulfill the law (Sermon on the Mount), not change it or replace it. God does not withhold any good thing from me and I should not from Him. It is OK to give as I have decided in my heart (2 Cor 9:7), to give with the heart of the woman who only had two coins to give. Give with a Christian heart of love but use wisdom and grace. The message here is to give, if you cannot give 10%, give what you can before bills or anything else. Decide in your heart a designated amount, then give the rest in time, volunteer at the church or charitable organization, give unwanted clothing, goods etc. God wants our first fruits. Our first thoughts in the morning is to be of Him in prayer, our first day of the week in worship, and our first fruits of increase.
So I have decided with the Lord’s help, that for now I will give a designated amount, off the top, on a consistent basis, and then when my finances improve, in the words of financial consultant, Dave Ramsey, I will give like I never gave before!
I thank God because, this was a burden I was carrying and I needed rest (Matthew 11:28).
I read different theological commentaries on the subject, and the answers varied. Some say tithe 10% no matter what. Even if your bills are over due, even if you need to put food on the table, even if your electricity is going to get cut off, even if your rent needed to be paid, even if... The other response was that God does not want you to be in the dark, hungry, cold, or homeless. What kind of loving God would want that? Another response was tithing is Old Testament Law and we are no longer under the law because of Christ Jesus.
One day while praying the scriptures, I prayed John 16:13 "But when, he the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth" and knew that I will know the answer in my heart when I read it, hear it or see it. I began by reading scriptures on borrowing and lending. I am a perpetual giver, this propensity to give has often caused me to find myself in a whole. I will give out of my savings, my stash, my lack. Sounds very Christian like doesn't it? Well in studying, I found that it is not. I got it all wrong. Proverbs 3:28; tells us Do not say to your neighbor, Go and come back tomorrow and I will give it WHEN YOU HAVE IT with you, Proverbs 3:23 tells us; Do not withhold any good from THOSE WHO DESERVE IT and WHEN IT IS IN YOUR POWER to act. Hebrews 13:16 tells you to share what we have, it does not say share what we DON'T have.
So, in studying and meditating on the word, I have understood in my heart that my issue or misunderstanding is not with tithing but with lending and giving when I really don't have. My issue is lending and not getting a return. The scripture tells us to lend, hoping for nothing in return. It doesn't mean that you should not be paid back, it means that you should not expect rewards or accolades for doing good and if it is not returned then don't hope for it back...in other words, it just became a gift (Luke 6:34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you...) The Old Testament speaks of lending with interest, something we should NEVER do to family, but business is another issue. Business is business and family is family. Deuteronomy 23:19 tells us; You shall not charge interest on loans to your brother, interest on money, interest on food, interest on anything that is lent for interest. You may charge a foreigner interest...
What has all this to do with tithing? Well my perceived lack and inability to tithe had me wondering where did my money go? Why am I not able to give to the church and charity like I would like to and in keeping with the scriptures. Besides the change in economy...why is my financial situation so dire? Is it because I am giving/lending outside of God's teaching. Am I giving/lending because of other people's inconsideration, emergency, lack of preparation, irresponsibility, greed and unrighteousness. I read a sermon and the Pastor made a valid point. He said, the word says GIVE, not GIVE UNTIL YOU ARE BLED DRY! He said, ask yourself, who am I giving to, how am I serving the person, and am I giving because the person refuses to work or wants to satisfy their own indulgences? Am I supporting their behavior by giving what is mine?
This is what I understood the Spirit of truth saying in my heart. Jesus came to fulfill the law (Sermon on the Mount), not change it or replace it. God does not withhold any good thing from me and I should not from Him. It is OK to give as I have decided in my heart (2 Cor 9:7), to give with the heart of the woman who only had two coins to give. Give with a Christian heart of love but use wisdom and grace. The message here is to give, if you cannot give 10%, give what you can before bills or anything else. Decide in your heart a designated amount, then give the rest in time, volunteer at the church or charitable organization, give unwanted clothing, goods etc. God wants our first fruits. Our first thoughts in the morning is to be of Him in prayer, our first day of the week in worship, and our first fruits of increase.
So I have decided with the Lord’s help, that for now I will give a designated amount, off the top, on a consistent basis, and then when my finances improve, in the words of financial consultant, Dave Ramsey, I will give like I never gave before!
I thank God because, this was a burden I was carrying and I needed rest (Matthew 11:28).
Saturday, February 1, 2014
JEREMIAH 17:5 This is what the LORD says: "Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the LORD.
The other day I watched a video about how "the white man" "white society" "white corporations" "white supremacy" and/or "the establishment" succeeded in brain washing, enslaving, and hoodwinking people of color with religion. They stated that people of color were tamed and subjugated with JESUS. People of color were taught to not fight back but to "turn the other cheek", they were brought into submission by being "taught the meek shall inherit the earth", and be satisfied with "it's all gonna get better, by and by". People of color do not need to be rich, live in better housing, eat better food. They don't need to have better health and not be afraid to die because soon "there will be no more death, no more tears, no more sorrow, no more pain when we ALL get to heaven". Is there truth in this? YES. The video bothered me for a while. I began to think, is this true, is Jesus just something "they" made up to keep us in line.
I became disturbed as I pondered this supposed "truth". I looked a little closer at people of color and saw the continuous struggle. I thought about how many people of color buy things, over spend, are more concerned about bling than saving, are more concerned about driving fancy cars that investing, are more concerned with looks, clothes, and jewelry than education. People of color are not usually taught to open businesses, create good credit scores, pool their resources, and to not drown in debt. What a sad state of affairs if this video is true.
While much of the aforementioned is true, I could not bring myself to totally abandon the idea of Jesus. No JESUS? The more I thought about Jesus just being something to contain us, the longer I pondered on this whole idea of Jesus as a farce, the more I considered the idea that Jesus was just a ploy, the more I contemplated that perhaps I too had been hood winked, the lonelier, the sadder, and the emptier I felt. Is this what they call at the cross roads? It was time to decide, but how? I did the only thing I knew how to do. PRAY. STUDY. PRAY. WAIT. I had to pick up the bible and hold it in my hands as I read and studied the Word. I had to rely on God to lead me to the passages that held the answer. I had to shut my mind and open my heart. I had to wait for the revelation of the Holy Spirit. I waited for that feeling of love, warmth, and peace that only He could bring. Then it came to me...
It came to me in the form of Psalm 81 'Ye are Gods, we are children of God." (Psalm 82;;6) Could I deny myself? Do I not exist? I am a god, meaning an offspring of God, He breathed life into me, He created me, I am just as much a part of Him as He is a part of me. Just like our birth father's DNA is in us, God's DNA is in us. If there is no Father, Son and Holy Spirit then there is no ME. I had to cease to try to understand on my own accord and start to understand that GOD is beyond the understanding of my finite mind. I HAD to trust the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). I now knew that I could not be wise in my own eyes (Proverbs 3:7) and I would once again feel that peace that supasses all understanding (Phil 4:7).
God spoke to me in a way that I COULD comprehend. He showed me the great Christian leaders. He showed me that they were not weak or pacifists. They bucked the system, fought for change, and human rights. Bishop Desmond Tutu, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Richard Allen (founder of AME Church), Toussain L'Overture (lead Haitian slave revolt), Frederick Douglass, Thurgood Marshall and the one who's hair was like wool...Jesus Christ. Jesus who walked among the people, made the blind see, the lame walk, fed the hungry, calmed the sea, cast out demons, walked on water, loved the unloveable. The one who LIVED AND DIED AND WAS RESURRECTED SO THAT WE COULD BE FORGIVEN FOR OUR SINS (1Cor 15:3-8).
It came down to this. It's a choice. A choice to believe with my heart and not my head. A choice to trust and believe that Jesus is Lord and He died so that we may be saved (Romans 10:9-10). If I don't trust Him, then who am I going to trust? The establishment?
JEREMIAH 17:5 This is what the LORD says: "Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the LORD.
I became disturbed as I pondered this supposed "truth". I looked a little closer at people of color and saw the continuous struggle. I thought about how many people of color buy things, over spend, are more concerned about bling than saving, are more concerned about driving fancy cars that investing, are more concerned with looks, clothes, and jewelry than education. People of color are not usually taught to open businesses, create good credit scores, pool their resources, and to not drown in debt. What a sad state of affairs if this video is true.
While much of the aforementioned is true, I could not bring myself to totally abandon the idea of Jesus. No JESUS? The more I thought about Jesus just being something to contain us, the longer I pondered on this whole idea of Jesus as a farce, the more I considered the idea that Jesus was just a ploy, the more I contemplated that perhaps I too had been hood winked, the lonelier, the sadder, and the emptier I felt. Is this what they call at the cross roads? It was time to decide, but how? I did the only thing I knew how to do. PRAY. STUDY. PRAY. WAIT. I had to pick up the bible and hold it in my hands as I read and studied the Word. I had to rely on God to lead me to the passages that held the answer. I had to shut my mind and open my heart. I had to wait for the revelation of the Holy Spirit. I waited for that feeling of love, warmth, and peace that only He could bring. Then it came to me...
It came to me in the form of Psalm 81 'Ye are Gods, we are children of God." (Psalm 82;;6) Could I deny myself? Do I not exist? I am a god, meaning an offspring of God, He breathed life into me, He created me, I am just as much a part of Him as He is a part of me. Just like our birth father's DNA is in us, God's DNA is in us. If there is no Father, Son and Holy Spirit then there is no ME. I had to cease to try to understand on my own accord and start to understand that GOD is beyond the understanding of my finite mind. I HAD to trust the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). I now knew that I could not be wise in my own eyes (Proverbs 3:7) and I would once again feel that peace that supasses all understanding (Phil 4:7).
God spoke to me in a way that I COULD comprehend. He showed me the great Christian leaders. He showed me that they were not weak or pacifists. They bucked the system, fought for change, and human rights. Bishop Desmond Tutu, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Richard Allen (founder of AME Church), Toussain L'Overture (lead Haitian slave revolt), Frederick Douglass, Thurgood Marshall and the one who's hair was like wool...Jesus Christ. Jesus who walked among the people, made the blind see, the lame walk, fed the hungry, calmed the sea, cast out demons, walked on water, loved the unloveable. The one who LIVED AND DIED AND WAS RESURRECTED SO THAT WE COULD BE FORGIVEN FOR OUR SINS (1Cor 15:3-8).
It came down to this. It's a choice. A choice to believe with my heart and not my head. A choice to trust and believe that Jesus is Lord and He died so that we may be saved (Romans 10:9-10). If I don't trust Him, then who am I going to trust? The establishment?
JEREMIAH 17:5 This is what the LORD says: "Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the LORD.
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